Last night when I got home I did something I haven't done in a long, long time. I prayed, not just a quick prayer in which I take a moment from what I am doing and ask God for something, but really took the time out in my car, bowed my head down, and prayed long and hard.
I have always been a very spiritual person. I have never been super religious, but I don't think that matters too much. Last night I prayed for a chance. All I am asking for is one miracle. Every twinge I feel, brings me hope and fear at the same time. Each ache that I feel in my lower abdomen makes me wonder if my baby is snuggling in for a cozy nine months, or if it is preparing for a new cycle.
With everyone around me so confident that this is it, I start to feel so hopeful. I have to try to keep myself grounded, The problem is early pregnancy symptoms are so similar to PMS symptoms. So I am over-analyzing every little thing. At least I know now that this dosage of Clomid actually works, and that is a good thing.
Two years I have been waiting for this chance. It seems so odd that it has actually happened. I need to relish in that fact, that we have a chance. Even if we miss this chance, we will have another.
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