Abandonment Issues

I am terrified of being abandoned. It is my greatest fear, I am more afraid of this than centipedes. I have lost many many people that I love and I live in constant fear that I will lose another person too soon.

In high school I lost several friends to suicide. Each one a tragedy, and each time I felt abandoned, and responsible. How could they be so selfish? How could I be so selfish? How could I let this happen? There must have been something that I could have done. I know now, that I am older and understand depression a bit more that there was nothing I could have done.

I have also lost many family members very suddenly. Not ever getting to say the goodbye I want to. Not ever letting them know how much I truly love them. It is never easy losing someone. From all of this loss in my life I have developed some severe abandonment issues. I am always afraid that when I say goodbye, it will be the last time I ever get to.

The relationships that I have with my family and friends are so beyond sacred to me. The other night I had a revelation about just how precious life truly is, and I feel as though I have been taking my relationships for granted. I need to stop doing that and appreciate who I have in my life more. I need to hold on to them and never let them go.