The Art of Squatting

Last night we were helping our friend do some work on his truck. He came to pick me up and we were meeting Alan at his father's shop. Alan was meeting us directly after work, and we got there first. I have a few really weird quirks. One of them being that I have issues with public restrooms. Not just the normal, "Oh, I will put down toilet paper on the seat" issues. If I inspect a bathroom, and it doesn't meet my standards, I will NOT use it.

So, I guess you can tell where this is heading. I have become quite good at being able to squat in public. This comes in handy while camping, boating, hiking and life in general.My first experience, that I can remember, of peeing outside occurred when I was about 7 or 8, My mum, my aunt, my sisters and two of my cousins all went for a hike to the Blue Hills. I had to pee so badly! This is when my mum decided it was time to teach me how to pee in the woods. Well, it didn't exactly go as planned. What exactly my mum said to me has been lost in my mind somewhere, but it was similar to, "You just makes sure no one is around, pull down your pants, and go." I took this quite literally.

There halfway up the mountain, I peed for the first time outside. It didn't go exactly as planned. As most first times often do. So I did exactly what my mum said, because at that point I was going to pee my pants. I pulled down my pants and I just let it flow. I leaned back, and peed. While standing up. A feat that most women can not do. For some unknown reason my mum put her hand out to stop me because I should have been squatting down, and she got in the way. I peed all over my mum's hand and arm. I was 7 give me a break. After the initial shock and anger of being peed on my mum realized how funny the situation actually was.

Anyways, 19 years, a phobia of public restrooms and a fear of people seeing my bum and I am still peeing outside. Although, I have gotten much better at it. I think most women over think this. The key is, to first decide in which location you are going to pee. Next you roll up the bottom of your pants, then you pull down your pants, and then you squat. It is important to pull down your pants first because that way the the bulk of your pants aren't in the way of doing what you need to do.

Yes, it is an art. Yes, I have mastered it, and yes I embrace this part of me!