Today is a day for comfort foods. Alan made lasagna, and I am making turkey soup. I will freeze it and defrost it when I need a hug from the inside. Because that is all comfort food is, you know, a hug from the inside. The feeling of warmth you feel when it gets to your belly and you remember all of the things in the world that are good from your past. Comfort foods are the best thing you can possibly eat.
I had a really bad night last night. Knowing that we are out this cycle, there is little to no chance that I am pregnant. Three cycles of taking disgusting, chalky pills, of having spontaneous hot flashes, and awful mood swings. All it has done was prepare me for menopause.
I hate thinking about giving up, but I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about it. I have dreamed of this one thing for so very long, and I just feel like it is so far beyond my reach. I won't ever actually give up, but sometimes the thought of removing all of this self-inflicted pressure is euphoric. I don't want to take this break, but I know it is for the best and that Alan really needs it.
But for right now, for tonight, I will focus on filling my belly instead of filling my womb.
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