Lately I have been having a lot of thoughts about myself. About how I need to better my life for me. I try to be as selfless as I can be, but I think I am allowed to focus on myself for a while. It doesn't mean I have to stop caring about other people in the process. Over the last few years I have realized that I need a serious make over. Not in a vain way. I need a mind make over. I need to stop being complacent and start loving myself enough to take care of myself.
I have a ton of support and I know this journey is going to be a tough one. There have been several events that have changed my outlook. I look at my son who deserves a mother who can be there for him totally and not live on the sidelines. I look at my husband who deserves a wife who can stop making excuses as to why she can't do things. I look at my grandmother who is 90 years old and has seen and been through so much and can still find room to add more love in her heart. I look at my mother who is still so vibrant and active and I want that. I look at my friends who deserve a friend who isn't embarrassed to go out because she is afraid of comments and judgements. I look at how far some people have come, and I think to myself, I want that. Then, I look at myself and I can finally say, "I am worth it. I deserve better than what I have been giving myself."
Abuse comes in all forms, and I have been abusing myself. I have spent a good portion of my life putting myself on the back burner, but there is room up front for me. I want my life back and I am not going to let anything stand in my way. I deserve more than I have been giving myself.
There have been contributing factors, but I feel like I am moving past them. From now on, I will make myself and my health a priority. Baby steps are hard, but before you know it, you can look behind you and see just how far you've come.
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