Sometimes I wonder how I can be so overwhelmingly happy, yet feel like I am heading in to a world of depression all over again. I guess it's hard to understand if you aren't going through it, but sometimes I just feel out of touch with myself. Like I'm a shell.
I try to portray this aura of confidence, but I am a total fraud. The only time I feel remotely fond of myself is when I'm hidden under make up. That's not right, is it? I should be able to like myself when I'm not hidden.
Sometimes I wonder if there is makeup for the soul. People tell me I'm a good person, but it's hard to believe it. I don't feel like a good person. I feel guilty for things I can't control or things that I shouldn't feel guilty about. Maybe people are seeing my made up soul. Maybe I really am a horrid person and that's where all of these guilty feelings come from. I don't really have any of the answers. I don't think anyone does.
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