I know I have been exceptionally bad at keeping up with my blog. I have been having trouble sitting down and finding time to write. There is always something to be done, and always somewhere to go. Every year around my birthday I like to reflect on the previous year. The good, the bad, the indifferent.
Social media has given me a way to make this easier. I can just go to my Facebook page and scroll through all of my thoughts that I felt were so important to share to the masses. This year has been a roller coaster ride of a year. I have lost people who I love, made some exceptional friends, created a miracle and saw the best and worst of humanity.
It is weird to think that my 26th year is going to be a year that I reflect on often, but I know that it will be. When I look back on my life in 25 years I know that this year has been one of the most significant years in my life. This year has forced me to realize who I am. There are things about me that I need to work on, but there are also some really great things about me. Over this past year I have realized what is really important and how fragile and precious life truly is. There were moments of incredible sadness, and moments of greatest joys.
I would like to think that there is a balance in life, but I know that isn't true. Maybe on a grand scale it is, but certainly not on an individual level. I don't pretend to know the mysteries of the world or why things are the way that they are, but I do know that the connections we make, we make for a reason. Whether someone walks in to your life for a moment or for a life time cherish them. Each life has the ability to make an impact on your life and it does not matter how big or small that person is, what does matter is how they change your heart.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Betrayed
In my life, I have felt betrayed many many times. But this is the worst. I felt betrayed by my very own body when I failed to be able to do the one thing a woman should be able to do, but there are ways around that. That doesn't make that feeling go away, though. Now as I lay here restless and unknowing I feel like I am being betrayed by a higher power. Why put me through this?
I feel like a failure as a mother. I feel like I am being punished for something. I was granted this wonderful miracle and now I'm not sure what his fate is. I am angry, and scared, and feel abandoned. Each moment I spend trying to be positive only to have that moment ripped away by more and more doubt.
I honestly don't know how to get by. The uncertainty is the worst. Mostly because it makes me feel like I am dooming myself and my baby in to a worst case situation. Maybe everything is fine and he is just stubborn and wants attention. Each reassuring moment I give myself, I take away just as quickly as it comes.
Not everyone goes in to have a fetal MRI done. This isn't a standard practice. But how could something be wrong with the absolutely perfect baby that I have seen and felt inside of me? He is beautiful and strong and I swear he has his father's nose. He is my perfect baby and there is no possible way that I could love him any more than I do. Haven't I earned the right to meet him? Don't I deserve a happy ending? Doesn't he deserve a chance? Doesn't Alan deserve his special father son times?
I am so scared. I want answers, but I'm also terrified at what those answers could bring.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Awareness
This post has been particularly hard to write and I am not sure why. I have no problem talking about infertility in real life to people, but for whatever reason it is hard for me to sit and write all of the things I want to say.
Awareness isn't about making people feel badly or guilty that they can get pregnant easier than some. It is about educating people about infertility and to try to get them to realize how hurtful people can be, the pain that comes along with this disease, and how much goes in to the process. It's true that my journey pales in comparison to others, but I feel that I have been able to learn from my journey and can better support my friends who are still struggling.
Awareness isn't about making people feel badly or guilty that they can get pregnant easier than some. It is about educating people about infertility and to try to get them to realize how hurtful people can be, the pain that comes along with this disease, and how much goes in to the process. It's true that my journey pales in comparison to others, but I feel that I have been able to learn from my journey and can better support my friends who are still struggling.
Support shouldn't be that hard. For whatever reason people feel like they can ask you about the state of your uterus and have it be ok. I don't know what it is about babies that make people think there are no boundaries. The generation before ours didn't discuss anything. So many things were taboo. I'm happy to be part of the generation that is changing that, even if it is for selfish reasons.
In a way being open about our struggle has been a way to save myself from the questions and unsolicited advice everyone seems to have. Society gives you one year. One year from the day you say I do to the day that you announce being pregnant. You may get a three month grace period, but after that people are antsy. Then the comments start. The. The questions start. Then the anger and sadness start.
People don't know how to respond when you say that you are struggling with infertility, and honestly, it is a hard subject to talk about when you don't know what it is like to go through it. The simple answer is you can say, "I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am here if you ever need to talk." It is nice to know that someone cares and wants to be there for you. Hugs are always welcome and a bit of understanding can go a long way.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Coming Together
The events that occurred on Monday were horrific. Horrific isn't a strong enough word, but I don't know a strong enough word to use. They filled a community with fear, which I suppose was the intent. It takes a truly cowardly person or group to do what this person or people has done. It disgusts me to my very core and makes me afraid to live in a society where I have to fear walking down the street or attending a public event.
I mourn for the loss of life and for those who were injured. Many have lost their limbs not to mention the emotional damage done to the people who were first hand witnesses to this tragic event. Life was stolen because of an act of terrorism. We may not know who is responsible for this heinous act, but I have faith that the authorities will track them down. The anger and terror that filled me when I found out what was happening in my beloved city was more than I could process.
A quote on a building in New York said the following: "Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that." Whoever said that is right. Boston will not get through this by being angry and allowing hate to take over. Boston has not done that. The phrase "Boston Strong" has been going around. It is true. There is a strength in this community unlike any I have ever heard about. We are a bunch of sarcastic pricks that can band together and support each other the moment after we just called someone an asshole. We are one huge dysfunctional family, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tonight we are a community starting to heal. I had a hard time making a decision of whether or not I wanted to go in to town and go to the Bruins game. I felt afraid, which didn't sit right with me. I have never been afraid of my city. After much deliberation, I decided that me not going to the game would do nothing except give the power to the person or people responsible. When I realized that I knew there was no way I would not be attending that game.
Walking in to the Garden tonight was a bit eerie with all of the security. I was unsure what was going to happen before the game, but I knew I was in for an emotional night. As the crowds filled the stands and the lights dimmed two support ribbons were displayed on the ice with the words "Boston Strong" on them. After a moment of silence a video was displayed to pay tribute to those we lost and those who were injured and to thank those people who in a moment of panic stayed to help instead of running to safety. Tears streamed down my face as I watched footage of a cowardice act and the aftermath of a community banding together to help the wounded.
What happened next is something I have a hard time putting to words. It was time for the National Anthem the black carpet was rolled out and Rene Rancourt was followed by the Honor Guard for the first responders. As Rene started to sing the beloved song of our country, something amazing happened. The crowd joined in. Not just a few, but the whole arena will with 17,500+ people. As we sung out the words written years before any of us existed they brought a new meaning. My eyes filled with tears once more as I sang out loud and proud the lyrics that represent my country.
I have cried several times in that building. Sometimes it is because of a needed win, sometimes it is because of a devastating loss, and sometimes it is even because of a strong sense of frustration. Tonight's tears were different. At first they were tears shed over lives lost and even some of those tears were selfish tears representing the fear that was inside of me, then those tears changed. I went in to town tonight filled with terror, but in that moment when I sang the Anthem with my community I felt safe for the first time since Monday. Not because I felt there was no longer a threat, but because in that moment I felt the strength of my community.
Tonight wasn't about a game being played, nor was it about who won or lost because years from now the stats won't matter. Tonight was about a community removing their cloak of fear, showing their strength, and banding together. Tonight was about proving that we are as tough as we always knew we were and, although, we are forever changed and will never forget, we have chosen to move forward together supporting one another and building ourselves back up. The fear is still present, but it is no longer paralyzing.
"Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that."
I mourn for the loss of life and for those who were injured. Many have lost their limbs not to mention the emotional damage done to the people who were first hand witnesses to this tragic event. Life was stolen because of an act of terrorism. We may not know who is responsible for this heinous act, but I have faith that the authorities will track them down. The anger and terror that filled me when I found out what was happening in my beloved city was more than I could process.
A quote on a building in New York said the following: "Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that." Whoever said that is right. Boston will not get through this by being angry and allowing hate to take over. Boston has not done that. The phrase "Boston Strong" has been going around. It is true. There is a strength in this community unlike any I have ever heard about. We are a bunch of sarcastic pricks that can band together and support each other the moment after we just called someone an asshole. We are one huge dysfunctional family, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tonight we are a community starting to heal. I had a hard time making a decision of whether or not I wanted to go in to town and go to the Bruins game. I felt afraid, which didn't sit right with me. I have never been afraid of my city. After much deliberation, I decided that me not going to the game would do nothing except give the power to the person or people responsible. When I realized that I knew there was no way I would not be attending that game.
Walking in to the Garden tonight was a bit eerie with all of the security. I was unsure what was going to happen before the game, but I knew I was in for an emotional night. As the crowds filled the stands and the lights dimmed two support ribbons were displayed on the ice with the words "Boston Strong" on them. After a moment of silence a video was displayed to pay tribute to those we lost and those who were injured and to thank those people who in a moment of panic stayed to help instead of running to safety. Tears streamed down my face as I watched footage of a cowardice act and the aftermath of a community banding together to help the wounded.
What happened next is something I have a hard time putting to words. It was time for the National Anthem the black carpet was rolled out and Rene Rancourt was followed by the Honor Guard for the first responders. As Rene started to sing the beloved song of our country, something amazing happened. The crowd joined in. Not just a few, but the whole arena will with 17,500+ people. As we sung out the words written years before any of us existed they brought a new meaning. My eyes filled with tears once more as I sang out loud and proud the lyrics that represent my country.
I have cried several times in that building. Sometimes it is because of a needed win, sometimes it is because of a devastating loss, and sometimes it is even because of a strong sense of frustration. Tonight's tears were different. At first they were tears shed over lives lost and even some of those tears were selfish tears representing the fear that was inside of me, then those tears changed. I went in to town tonight filled with terror, but in that moment when I sang the Anthem with my community I felt safe for the first time since Monday. Not because I felt there was no longer a threat, but because in that moment I felt the strength of my community.
Tonight wasn't about a game being played, nor was it about who won or lost because years from now the stats won't matter. Tonight was about a community removing their cloak of fear, showing their strength, and banding together. Tonight was about proving that we are as tough as we always knew we were and, although, we are forever changed and will never forget, we have chosen to move forward together supporting one another and building ourselves back up. The fear is still present, but it is no longer paralyzing.
"Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that."
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Tragedy
Most of you know about the horrors that occurred yesterday in Boston. At this point in time I honestly can not process the information enough to get understandable sentences down on a page. Boston needs prayers and more specifically the innocent victims need prayers.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
An Interesting Observation
It is no surprise to anyone that knows me that I am very pro-equality. As far as I am concerned religious views have no place in government. Also, I feel like government should have no say in the bedroom. And to those of you who say, "oh, but marriage is a religious sacrament and you can't force a religion to change its beliefs" last I checked, my marriage license was issued by the state government. I didn't have to send a letter (or my money) to Rome and say, please Mr. Pope let me get married. So, there is that.
Anyways, before I start to ramble anymore, I am obviously talking about marriage equality today. Why today? Well, I saw something so irritating at work today when I was going about my normal people watching, and it just sent me in to a fury!
Watching people get off a train and reunite with people is possibly one of the best things anyone could hope to get stuck watching as a job. You get to see pure emotion in people when they are reunited with their loved ones again. Or sometimes and entire lack of emotion.
Today there was a man waiting with the cutest set of twin girls I have ever seen. They were probably around 2 or 3. They were so excited to be inside of a train station and they kept very closely to the man, who I assumed was their father and was proven right when one of the girls called him "daddy." They waited anticipation killing them to get to see who ever it was that they were waiting for. The train came in, unloaded, and left. As the passengers walked down the hallway a blonde man approached the girls and squatted down to be embraced by these little girls. They ran up to him and he hugged them and picked both of them up and covered their cheeks in kisses as the girls giggled filled with a pure and completely innocent joy. The man then walked up to the other one gave him a kiss on the cheek and the four of them walked out together happy.
Within a few minutes of that family leaving a mother walked towards the main exit where her husband and child were waiting. Her daughter ran up to her and hugged her leg as the mother patted her head but continues the ever so important phone call she was on. She then pointed to the exit so her husband and daughter would follow her out to the car. I'm not saying I know this family and how they truly are, it just paints an interesting picture.
Which is the better situation? Is raising a child in a same-sex household worse than raising a child in a "conventional" household? In my opinion it comes down to the parents. But my issue is why should heterosexual people get to raise children without question because they can. If you have to go through adoption or surrogacy to get a child what is so wrong with that? Love is love, no matter who it comes from.
Anyways, before I start to ramble anymore, I am obviously talking about marriage equality today. Why today? Well, I saw something so irritating at work today when I was going about my normal people watching, and it just sent me in to a fury!
Watching people get off a train and reunite with people is possibly one of the best things anyone could hope to get stuck watching as a job. You get to see pure emotion in people when they are reunited with their loved ones again. Or sometimes and entire lack of emotion.
Today there was a man waiting with the cutest set of twin girls I have ever seen. They were probably around 2 or 3. They were so excited to be inside of a train station and they kept very closely to the man, who I assumed was their father and was proven right when one of the girls called him "daddy." They waited anticipation killing them to get to see who ever it was that they were waiting for. The train came in, unloaded, and left. As the passengers walked down the hallway a blonde man approached the girls and squatted down to be embraced by these little girls. They ran up to him and he hugged them and picked both of them up and covered their cheeks in kisses as the girls giggled filled with a pure and completely innocent joy. The man then walked up to the other one gave him a kiss on the cheek and the four of them walked out together happy.
Within a few minutes of that family leaving a mother walked towards the main exit where her husband and child were waiting. Her daughter ran up to her and hugged her leg as the mother patted her head but continues the ever so important phone call she was on. She then pointed to the exit so her husband and daughter would follow her out to the car. I'm not saying I know this family and how they truly are, it just paints an interesting picture.
Which is the better situation? Is raising a child in a same-sex household worse than raising a child in a "conventional" household? In my opinion it comes down to the parents. But my issue is why should heterosexual people get to raise children without question because they can. If you have to go through adoption or surrogacy to get a child what is so wrong with that? Love is love, no matter who it comes from.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Lost
I think in a world as big as ours it is very easy to get lost. Lost on the road, lost from each other, lost from ourselves. I have been feeling exceptionally lost lately. Torn in a thousand different directions, and not knowing where my true north lies. Where have my outlets gone? Where have I disappeared to?
I know that I get in to these funks often, but this one has been very consuming. I feel as though I have misplaced my identity and I am not sure where to find, or if I want to find it at all. What truly defines a person? How other people see them? Or is it the grand decisions in life?
I watch people walk by me all day, consumed with their worries and stresses and they never seem to question the schedule or pattern that they keep. Is this life? Finding a routine and sticking with it? Never questioning why, never stepping to the side to feel the sun brush their faces. I don't want to live my life that way! I want to discover everywhere and everything. I don't ever want to become complacent with my position.
I don't think people settle when they choose their life, I believe they settle when they forget that they wanted to live. We all get lost, some just stay lost. I refuse to let that happen to me. I refuse to have some substandard life because I am too bored and settled in to look for adventures anymore. I still have dreams to accomplish, and trails that need to be discovered. I was always told I never lived up to my potential, but maybe that is the attitude that kept me down? There is still so much I can do, and watch out, because I am making plans to do those things. Lost or not, I am on a mission to discover, not just myself, but everything life has in store for me.
I know that I get in to these funks often, but this one has been very consuming. I feel as though I have misplaced my identity and I am not sure where to find, or if I want to find it at all. What truly defines a person? How other people see them? Or is it the grand decisions in life?
I watch people walk by me all day, consumed with their worries and stresses and they never seem to question the schedule or pattern that they keep. Is this life? Finding a routine and sticking with it? Never questioning why, never stepping to the side to feel the sun brush their faces. I don't want to live my life that way! I want to discover everywhere and everything. I don't ever want to become complacent with my position.
I don't think people settle when they choose their life, I believe they settle when they forget that they wanted to live. We all get lost, some just stay lost. I refuse to let that happen to me. I refuse to have some substandard life because I am too bored and settled in to look for adventures anymore. I still have dreams to accomplish, and trails that need to be discovered. I was always told I never lived up to my potential, but maybe that is the attitude that kept me down? There is still so much I can do, and watch out, because I am making plans to do those things. Lost or not, I am on a mission to discover, not just myself, but everything life has in store for me.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Birthday Celebrations!
We are having a couple of friends over tonight to celebrate one of their birthdays! It is exciting to have them come over with their daughter and spend some time together.
I can't wait to see them and celebrate And chat! Alan is cooking one of his famous meals and we have dessert planned!
I can't wait to see them and celebrate And chat! Alan is cooking one of his famous meals and we have dessert planned!
Less than a week!
In 6 days Alan and I will be disembarking from New York and heading out for an 8 day cruise. I am so beyond excited. We just need some time away to relax.
It has been extremely stressful for awhile now, and we both just need a break! We are meeting up with our friend Mike while we are in port at Port Canaveral, and I am super excited about that! He is someone I would like to be able to spend more time with!
After we hit Florida, we are off to the Bahamas! We are going to visit the aquarium at Atlantis! It is supposed to be amazing! We were going to go and do the water park, but it is ridiculously expensive to do. Especially because I only want to go for one water slide. Maybe for our fifth anniversary we will take a trip to Atlantis and stay there for a few days.
I'm just really excited for the whole cruise. We are giving Carnival another shot, so hopefully they don't disappoint!
It has been extremely stressful for awhile now, and we both just need a break! We are meeting up with our friend Mike while we are in port at Port Canaveral, and I am super excited about that! He is someone I would like to be able to spend more time with!
After we hit Florida, we are off to the Bahamas! We are going to visit the aquarium at Atlantis! It is supposed to be amazing! We were going to go and do the water park, but it is ridiculously expensive to do. Especially because I only want to go for one water slide. Maybe for our fifth anniversary we will take a trip to Atlantis and stay there for a few days.
I'm just really excited for the whole cruise. We are giving Carnival another shot, so hopefully they don't disappoint!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Blizzard Conditions
I haven't been writing a lot lately. There have been a lot of things going on. But those will be discussed down the road.
Anyways, on to current events! We got 36 inches of snow this weekend. It is kind of insane. Alan went out plowing with his dad, and stayed up almost the whole night and kept on top of snowblowing so it wasn't super awful the next day. We had a driving ban in place from 4 P.M. Friday until 6 P.M Saturday. The Bruins game was cancelled and all transportation was shut down
Kit and Dempsey are loving frolicking around in the snow and they are quite adorable doing so.
Anyways, on to current events! We got 36 inches of snow this weekend. It is kind of insane. Alan went out plowing with his dad, and stayed up almost the whole night and kept on top of snowblowing so it wasn't super awful the next day. We had a driving ban in place from 4 P.M. Friday until 6 P.M Saturday. The Bruins game was cancelled and all transportation was shut down
Kit and Dempsey are loving frolicking around in the snow and they are quite adorable doing so.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Small Successes
Last Friday Alan and I decided that we had to change our lifestyle. We joined My Fitness Pal, and have really stepped up our eating habits and exercise. I was shocked to find out how motivated an app could make me. Since I joined I have been under my calories every single day!
I have been more active, and less likely to snack. At the end of every day the app tells me my projected weight in 5 weeks if I continue to keep up this lifestyle. That really motivates me. To know that if keep it up I will see results.
I am so proud of myself, and of Alan. I feel better all around. This week I have lost 2 pounds. That doesn't seem like much, but it matters to me. Each ounce is one ounce that was holding me back from my goals and my dreams.
Every ounce that I lose I gain so much from.
I have been more active, and less likely to snack. At the end of every day the app tells me my projected weight in 5 weeks if I continue to keep up this lifestyle. That really motivates me. To know that if keep it up I will see results.
I am so proud of myself, and of Alan. I feel better all around. This week I have lost 2 pounds. That doesn't seem like much, but it matters to me. Each ounce is one ounce that was holding me back from my goals and my dreams.
Every ounce that I lose I gain so much from.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Becoming that girl
It is funny the way time can change you especially when it comes to your positions on things that don't really matter. I was never one to need all of the latest and greatest. I still don't feel that I am, but as I grow older and have life get in the way and break me down I can see the appeal of pampering oneself or being treated to name brands.
I didn't get my first manicure until I was out of high school. I got a set of acrylic nails and had them painted jet black to go along with my gothic look and heavy eyeliner. I remember the feeling of having nails for the first time. I would tap them annoyingly on the aluminum bleaches of a local stadium sending waves of pure joy throughout my body.
Then came the routine eyebrow waxing and buying makeup that wasn't named after candy and cost more than 99 cents. I even splurged now and then on named brand clothes of I had a fun event. I stopped borrowing my more stylish friend's clothes and developed a wardrobe of my own.
Next I discovered the wonder of a pedicure! It was unreal! It was like foot heaven complete with its own hot tub. I realized the functionality of a purse and stopped carrying my belongings in my pants and hoodies. At first they were no name cheap purses, then I moved up to the fabulous Vera Bradley. Her rich colors and quality product appealed to me.
Eventually, I grew to appreciate having a nice bag, a pop of color, some extra bling. Then it happened, I bought a Coach purse a wonderful satin handbag with hues of blue and grey. I fell in love instantly, and a little over a year later I was purchasing my second one. This time a bright purple color that I needed to liven up my bland wardrobe. I finally understood that it wasn't the name brand that was important, but the gift to yourself. It wasn't about spending money to spend it, it is about investing in yourself and your quality of life.
So today, I received my first iPhone. Simply because I wanted it. It may be the first big item I purchased where I didn't have to make excuses for why I needed it.
I didn't get my first manicure until I was out of high school. I got a set of acrylic nails and had them painted jet black to go along with my gothic look and heavy eyeliner. I remember the feeling of having nails for the first time. I would tap them annoyingly on the aluminum bleaches of a local stadium sending waves of pure joy throughout my body.
Then came the routine eyebrow waxing and buying makeup that wasn't named after candy and cost more than 99 cents. I even splurged now and then on named brand clothes of I had a fun event. I stopped borrowing my more stylish friend's clothes and developed a wardrobe of my own.
Next I discovered the wonder of a pedicure! It was unreal! It was like foot heaven complete with its own hot tub. I realized the functionality of a purse and stopped carrying my belongings in my pants and hoodies. At first they were no name cheap purses, then I moved up to the fabulous Vera Bradley. Her rich colors and quality product appealed to me.
Eventually, I grew to appreciate having a nice bag, a pop of color, some extra bling. Then it happened, I bought a Coach purse a wonderful satin handbag with hues of blue and grey. I fell in love instantly, and a little over a year later I was purchasing my second one. This time a bright purple color that I needed to liven up my bland wardrobe. I finally understood that it wasn't the name brand that was important, but the gift to yourself. It wasn't about spending money to spend it, it is about investing in yourself and your quality of life.
So today, I received my first iPhone. Simply because I wanted it. It may be the first big item I purchased where I didn't have to make excuses for why I needed it.
Friday, January 18, 2013
3 AM again
Just another night that I have greeted 3 AM wide awake, and with no sign of any tiredness. Both the dog and my husband are snoring away, and I am sitting here annoyed and in a bad mood.
The TV is on and airing Food Network reruns. I don't dare reach across for the remote and wake Alan up. This is my time to be sad and alone. This is my time to feel sorry for myself. My time to be selfish and pout internally whining to the universe that life isn't fair.
I complain about not being able to sleep like a normal person, but I wonder if I would miss my me time. At all other times people are reachable, social media is constantly updating, and people fill in the silent moments. Not now. No one is around. Just me, the TV and the sound of breathing. No interruptions, just me and my thoughts.
This is my safe haven. It isn't a physical place, but somewhere that exists within my mind. A place no one can tarnish, a place that is beyond unreachable for everyone but me. In here I can lie, I can pretend, and I can control. It is a place no one else would understand. A place so dark that even if it were an attainable destination people still wouldn't come around. A fortress of haunted memories and things so horrible that not even the hardest of souls could break through. But I can.
Because behind these dark walls and terror lies a place so sacred to me. The light on the inside is blinding and strong. This is where I sit, I sit still and project my thoughts out, thickening the dark walls with even darker thoughts. It's what is inside that counts though. Inside this shrouded place is the safest place I can find. I am protected by my own negativity no one can break through and no one can get to me.
My three o'clock mind is my secret clubhouse of adulthood. Physically I am present here, but what really counts is lightyears away. It is just me sitting on a white sand beach, knees to my chest and embracing myself, trapped, but freed by my own shadows.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Game On
So we had been taking a break from this whole process, but now we are back on.
I haven't been writing much lately because I have been trying to keep as positive as I can, but that has been pretty difficult lately. Then again writing down all of these garbled up emotions can help me. That will come later though.
I haven't been writing much lately because I have been trying to keep as positive as I can, but that has been pretty difficult lately. Then again writing down all of these garbled up emotions can help me. That will come later though.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Lockout
The lockout has ended and this is very good news. I am excited to have hockey back in my life! Although, I will miss watching the replays of the Stanley Cup Finals from 2011.
I have stated that I am excited for hockey to be back, but at the same time, I am still pissed off. I am pissed off that we get half a season because of greed. I am pissed of because we won't see any of the Western Conference teams until the playoffs, and I am pissed off because the NHL is stacking the schedule up with all of the rivalries to guarantee arenas to sell out.
I am not sure exactly what the new CBA is yet, because I haven't had time to do all of the research on it, but I do know that it is a 10 year agreement, and that there is something about an amnesty clause in there.
So, yes the lockout is over, but I am still beyond pissed off about it. I am excited to see my boys in their wonderful black and gold uniforms, the ones they belong in. I will take the 48-50 regular season games, but that doesn't mean I still don't feel abused by the league.
I have stated that I am excited for hockey to be back, but at the same time, I am still pissed off. I am pissed off that we get half a season because of greed. I am pissed of because we won't see any of the Western Conference teams until the playoffs, and I am pissed off because the NHL is stacking the schedule up with all of the rivalries to guarantee arenas to sell out.
I am not sure exactly what the new CBA is yet, because I haven't had time to do all of the research on it, but I do know that it is a 10 year agreement, and that there is something about an amnesty clause in there.
So, yes the lockout is over, but I am still beyond pissed off about it. I am excited to see my boys in their wonderful black and gold uniforms, the ones they belong in. I will take the 48-50 regular season games, but that doesn't mean I still don't feel abused by the league.
Crock Pot Adventures!
So, as a bit of a New Year's Resolution, I have decided to stop ordering take out so much when I am working. Because I am brilliant I realized, I can cook while I work instead of cooking before I go to work and packing food. Today is the second day I have cooked at work.
My first day, I cooked pulled chicken with barbecue sauce, a go to favorite of mine, and put it on potato rolls. It was pretty good, and I had left overs! Always a score! If the trains are late I have something to hold me if I get hungry! Hooray!
Today I am making Hawaiian chicken over white rice! So far, it smells pretty good! I am really excited to try it!Tomorrow when I wake up I am going to prepare a bunch of different meals throw them in to gallon sized storage bags and toss them in the freezer. That way, when I leave for work all I have to do is grab a frozen bag and hit the road.
Hopefully, I keep this up! There is really no reason that I don't keep it up. It couldn't be simpler. I am excited to come up with all sorts of new recipes!
My first day, I cooked pulled chicken with barbecue sauce, a go to favorite of mine, and put it on potato rolls. It was pretty good, and I had left overs! Always a score! If the trains are late I have something to hold me if I get hungry! Hooray!
Today I am making Hawaiian chicken over white rice! So far, it smells pretty good! I am really excited to try it!Tomorrow when I wake up I am going to prepare a bunch of different meals throw them in to gallon sized storage bags and toss them in the freezer. That way, when I leave for work all I have to do is grab a frozen bag and hit the road.
Hopefully, I keep this up! There is really no reason that I don't keep it up. It couldn't be simpler. I am excited to come up with all sorts of new recipes!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Stranger Than Fiction
I just finished watching the movie Stranger Than Fiction. If you haven't seen it, you should. It is one of my favorite movies ever made. It is smart and funny and extremely thought provoking. It isn't what you would expect from a Will Farell movie, but it is fantastic.
As I was watching I was thinking about how we have no control over what happens to us. Someone else writes the pages to our book. From the mundane tasks we preform to the most significant moments in our lives.
You never know what the domino affect is from your simple action of holding the door for the person behind you. It is crazy to think about how many people are in this world and how far apart we all are, yet we are all connected in some way. I often wonder how anyone can ever feel lonely. I understand the feeling of being alone, but often times when I feel this way, I just need some perspective.
As I was watching I was thinking about how we have no control over what happens to us. Someone else writes the pages to our book. From the mundane tasks we preform to the most significant moments in our lives.
You never know what the domino affect is from your simple action of holding the door for the person behind you. It is crazy to think about how many people are in this world and how far apart we all are, yet we are all connected in some way. I often wonder how anyone can ever feel lonely. I understand the feeling of being alone, but often times when I feel this way, I just need some perspective.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year. Good Riddance.
Last year was awful. I would do a month by month play of just how awful it was, but I don't want to get in to all that. Some beyond horrible things happened to some very amazing people that I know. Loved ones were lost, there were heinous acts against humanity, and tragedy seemed to envelop every month in the year. On top of the tragedy each month brought its own sorrow to me and Alan. There was hope, and it was ripped away. As bad as 2012 was, there were also some good.
I was given an amazing Goddaughter. I found out who my real friends are, even if that involved some awful fall outs, but now I know who will be there. Alan and I celebrated our second anniversary, and we are stronger than we have ever been.
I have never been one to really make a fuss about New Years Eve, but I have always been one to promise myself all sorts of wonderful things for the new year. This year, I am not doing that. A new year brings new opportunities. Not necessarily a fresh start, but a a wiser start. I am taking what I have learned from this past year, and I am locking it away in my heart. This past year has changed me, just like this year will. Another year gone, another year wiser.
A new year.
I was given an amazing Goddaughter. I found out who my real friends are, even if that involved some awful fall outs, but now I know who will be there. Alan and I celebrated our second anniversary, and we are stronger than we have ever been.
I have never been one to really make a fuss about New Years Eve, but I have always been one to promise myself all sorts of wonderful things for the new year. This year, I am not doing that. A new year brings new opportunities. Not necessarily a fresh start, but a a wiser start. I am taking what I have learned from this past year, and I am locking it away in my heart. This past year has changed me, just like this year will. Another year gone, another year wiser.
A new year.
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