Charybdis

To say that this road has been easy would be a bold face lie. This road has been nothing but hell. It has been long, stressful, and full of tears. It has shaken my relationship with Alan, and we are still holding strong, but that isn't to say that we haven't had rocky patches. In fact, we have had many.

It is the man's job to be strong for his woman. To never bend or break, but who is there when he is shaken and hurting? Not many. Women are usually the face of infertility. Women are the ones that take the heat for it, but what about the men? Our problems aren't Male Factor, but Alan is still struggling with infertility. Even if it is second hand. He has been so strong for too long, and it hasn't been easy on him. What makes it harder? Holding everything in.

The way Alan and I fight, is different than the way most couples fight, but it works for us. We get in to a massive blow out about everything else that is wrong, and hash it out until we get to the core issue at hand. This happened last night. Aside from all of the petty drama that everyone has we got to the underlying issues. They are big ones, and they are uncontrollable. It isn't fair that Alan has to suffer silently while I can vocalize my feelings.

These fights involve me bawling my eyes out, getting really mad, really stubborn, and shutting down. This gives way to Alan being able to actually verbalize what he is feeling. When I am done being a pissy little bitch, we actually talk like grown ups. We try to never go to bed angry, or at least we work through some stuff, and say, "Listen, it's four o'clock in the morning, we are ok now, we still love each other, let's talk about it when we both have our heads on straight." It works. It has always been the way we have done things. Since our very first fight in our relationship. It took place in the parking lot of our first apartment.

Last night we got in to it. It was a pretty bad fight, but I knew that we would survive this one. As soon as I stopped being stubborn. We did, and today was a new day.